Chapter 131: Like a Hammer Blow |
For the first time in a while, Arwin spent the night in his own room. Lillia had been fast asleep when he’d gotten back and it sounded like she was actually resting peacefully. He didn’t want to wake her up on accident, so he’d crept up the stairs and into his bed.
It was a strange feeling in multiple ways. At first, it felt strange to be sleeping alone in his bed again. Then it felt even stranger due to the realization that he felt more comfortable in Lillia’s bed than his.
Some miracle let Arwin drift off, but when he woke the following morning to bright light streaming through his window and straight into his eyes, he was promptly reminded of the previous night’s thoughts.
His features twisted in annoyance. Arwin held a hand up, blocking the sun as he rolled out of bed and let out a huff.
This is seriously getting out of hand. I can’t let myself keep dwelling on her like this. It’s… just not right.
That probably meant the logical move would have been to somehow crush the feelings so they’d stop interfering with him. But, then again, they weren’t exactly interfering either. They were just kind of… there.
Perhaps I’m just trying to convince myself of things again.
The alternative would have been mentioning his thoughts to Lillia, but the thought sent a shudder down his spine. There was too much relying on their continued partnership. He couldn’t afford to sour anything when the stakes were so much bigger than just him and Lillia.
Arwin shook his head to force the thoughts from them. This wasn’t the time or the place. He’d just have to do something to make his room somehow become more appealing than Lillia’s – starting with some bloody curtains.
Who polishes stairs first thing in the morning?
Lillia poked her head out of the kitchen. “You okay?”
“There was a hazard on the stairs,” Arwin said, sending a cross look at the imp. It stared back at him blankly, holding the rag in one hand.
“Oh, was there?” Lillia sent him a blank stare. Something about her tone felt off, but he couldn’t quite place what it was. Her gaze flicked from him to the imp. “Don’t do that. It can be dangerous.”
The imp blinked, then looked from its rag to Lillia. It tilted its head to the side as if to ask a question. Lillia quickly stepped back into the kitchen, leaving Arwin even more befuddled than before.
What’s up with her?
Arwin stepped into the kitchen after Lillia. “I think I missed something.”
“What?” Lillia looked over her shoulder, her cheeks slightly redder than normal. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure. That’s the problem,” Arwin said, his brow furrowed. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No,” Lillia said with an embarrassed cough. “You didn’t say anything wrong. It’s fine. I was just talking to the imp.”
“About cleaning the stairs?”
“Oh, drop it. Please.” Lillia massaged her brow. “It’s nothing. Did you sleep well?”
“Fine, I suppose,” Arwin said after a moment of hesitation. “Brighter than I was used to.”
“It was,” Lillia agreed. They both fell silent for a few seconds. Arwin typically didn’t mind the silence, but something about it felt considerably more awkward than he was used to. Mercifully, Lillia broke it.
“Why’d you go to your room?” Lillia asked.
“Last night?” The back of Arwin’s neck heated. He wasn’t even sure why he was embarrassed – it was a perfectly reasonable question. “You were already asleep. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Oh,” Lillia said. Neither of them said anything else for a little while longer. Lillia turned back to the board of vegetables she’d been chopping. “Next time, wake me up.”
Arwin blinked. “Are you sure? I–”
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“Don’t make me repeat myself, please,” Lillia said, not looking back at him. “Just wake me up next time.”
A warm feeling wrapped around Arwin’s chest. He tried to push it back, but it was like trying to scoop the ocean away with a bucket full of holes. All he could do was intently study the wall.
“If you’re sure. I get back pretty late sometimes.”
Lillia’s knife smacked into the vegetables and she let out a snort. “I know. Just… wake me up.”
“I’ll do that,” Arwin promised. His best attempts to keep his voice even definitely didn’t do nearly as much as he’d hoped. Lillia didn’t seem to take notice of it, which he was grateful for.
She must be too focused on her cooking. I get that.
He stood in the doorway of the kitchen for a few seconds, then cleared his throat. “I’m going to go work. I’ve got the bottom half of a set made for Rodrick, but I’m going to try to make him the top as well and finish the whole thing today before giving it to him. Do you think you could keep an eye on it?”
“Sure,” Lillia said, still not turning from her work. “I’ll send an imp up.”
Arwin nodded, then remembered she couldn’t see him because she was facing the wrong way. The urge to smack his forehead against the wall gripped him. He managed to ignore it and let out a huff, striding out of the kitchen and setting course for the forge.
His mind needed to be focused. There was no time for this. Fortunately, the forge was calling his name.
***
Lillia stared at the knife embedded into her makeshift cutting board, her cheeks burning so red that she feared they were going to pop off and run away on their own. She could barely believe the words that had come out of her own mouth.
What is wrong with me? Did I really just tell him to wake me up if I fall asleep before he gets back?
She yanked the knife out of the cutting board and brought it down again. It struck the board too hard and embedded itself in the wood. Lillia repressed a curse. She’d never been more grateful to have remembered to tuck her tail into her pants that morning. If she hadn’t, it would have been swaying around like mad. It was already doing its best to defy her orders and escape its containment. If it had been free, the results would have been catastrophic to her ego.
I will not let my tail wag like some stupid little schoolgirl.
She yanked the knife out of the cutting board again. Something had been seriously wrong with her. Lillia pressed the back of her hand to her forehead, making sure it wasn’t hotter than it should have been.
Forget not being able to get sick. I have to have come down with something. This sounds exactly like the stories I was told of what happens to humans when they come near a miniscule monster that enters their body and corrupts them from within for a short period of time.
Lillia brought the knife down once more, this time managing to avoid embedding it in the wood. She pushed some of the vegetables to the side and pressed her lips together. Her body felt like it had been fighting her for days now.
The way she was acting around Arwin made absolutely no sense. He had no reason to have to lull her to sleep like a doting father. Arwin already had enough to worry about, and he’d done more than he’d needed to. If he wanted to get some rest in his own, considerably more comfortable bed, she had no right to interfere.
Even wanting to interfere was childish. Lillia’s cheeks started to redden again and a memory of his hands running up her face and covering her eyes flickered through her mind again.
The knife fell, splitting the cutting board in two. Lillia cursed and set it to the side, pulling at her hair as she repressed a groan. Something was seriously wrong with her. This wasn’t the way that the demon queen was meant to act.
Even if she wasn’t truly the demon queen anymore, that didn’t mean she should be reduced to a sniveling child longing for comfort the moment she got an iota of it. She was more capable than that.
I need to go tell him that he doesn’t actually have to come wake me up. We’ve all got our own roles to play and he can’t spend his time babying me. Besides, I have work to do. Wasting time thinking about this is just going to hinder me.
Lillia nodded to herself. She pushed her broken cutting board to the side and turned toward the entrance to the common room to follow after Arwin. It hadn’t been long enough for him to actually get started on his work, so she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be interrupting anything.
Her legs wouldn’t move.
Lillia couldn’t bring herself to step out of the kitchen and take back her words. The idea made the back of her spine prickle and her stomach clench with the same sickly, painful feeling that had been haunting her for the past few days.
I don’t want to tell him to stop and sleep in his own bed. It’s more comfortable when he’s there.
Lillia stared at the wall, her hands twitching at her sides. There had to be a logical reason she was so confused. She turned back to the kitchen, shaking her head. It was a bad idea to go looking for Arwin when she didn’t even know what she wanted to say.
I wonder if he was having similar problems. He can’t have, because he went to bed without me. Gah. I’m so annoyed.
Why am I annoyed? What is wrong with me?
Lillia pulled at her hair again. She nearly put her head through the wall in an attempt to clear it, but the idea of damaging her inn was so vile that she couldn’t even fathom it. The chopped cutting board had already been enough.
It just makes no sense. The way I’m acting is completely illogical. For the sake of our entire guild, I need to figure out what my problem is and fix it before it impacts my effectiveness. What is it with him that’s causing me so much trouble?
Lillia drummed her fingers on her thigh as she thought. It wasn’t just someone in general. She’d tried calling her imps to her last night. Their presence, while welcome, hadn’t done the slightest bit to make her feel differently.
She considered asking Reya to spend the night but dismissed the idea. Reya was a nice girl, but she wasn’t exactly comforting. No, this had something to do with Arwin in particular. Lillia chewed her lower lip, her brow furrowing. It felt like she wasn’t that far off. There was no reason for this to be as difficult as it was. There had to be–
And then, like a hammer blow, it hit her.
Godspit.
I have romantic feelings for Arwin.
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